Total Drama Wireless
by Poetic Nothingness
Summary: A collection of super-short, crappy, spur of the moment cell phone commecial parodies. Definely the type of thing you need for a bad. These were written purely for entertainment and in no way are a display of my writing skills.
1. Trent You Suck

**We've all seen the cell phone commercials with the people talking about the calls they missed and how pissed off they were and I thought 'You know what would funny? If I wrote one for Total Drama Island' So here is it the commercial that I thought of at 2 A.M . Probably a bad idea but if it sucks so bad than why are you reading? Huh? Yea thought so!...lol**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama Island (yet). Nor do I own AT&T but my mama got they phone service**

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Gwen and Owen are racing to the finish line most of the campers are cheering on Owen but he was too tired to go on. Gwen was just about to finish, win the hundred thousand dollars and make the show end positively for a 14 year old in Ohio who will watch the series later that year. Lindsey and Izzy bring out fresh baked brownies and Owen gets right back up and starts running. Leshawda and Cody are standing off in the distance worried when Leshawda pulls out her cell phone to give Trent an emergency message.

**Trent's Phone's POV**

Hi Trent's phone's here. Trent doesn't have AT&T so that means he has no bars here at Camp Wanka whatever. So Leshawda, Cody call and text as much as you want about taking the brownies from Izzy and throwing them in the other direction Mr. Too Busy Smiling FOR NO REAL REASON! (A/N: He always is) Won't be getting the message. Oh well sorry Gwen. Hey maybe they'll change the US results and give you the money. I doubt it but some people believe it. But you still got me although a hundred thousand dollars would have nice too. Sorry Gwen

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**Well there you have it a really sucky OOC cell phone commercial for Total Drama Island. I might write more I might not. R&R **


	2. Cody's Turn

**Wow 85 hits. And I thought this would be a load crap and everyone would hate it. Well by popular demand of one person he's Cody's TDW commercial.**

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Cody was sitting in his room reading a book called _How to Score Big with the Ladies (_A/N: He totally would you know it and I know it_)_. His mother runs into the room holding a letter and jumping up and down exciting.

**Cody's Phone's POV**

Hi the Codster's phone here. Cody's not with AT&T so he doesn't have any bars on a rainy day IN HIS OWN BEDROOM! So Aunt Twiggy (the model) I won't be receiving your call about being the male influence at your all girls modeling camp this summer. Instead I'll be going to Camp Wawanakwa were I'll be rejected on international TV by my dream girl, lose out on hundred thousand dollars and oh yeah MAULED BY BEARS! But it's cool Bro. It's all good I mean I would have been the only man for miles with thirty beautiful future models but you know. Life's like that.

**Normal POV **

Cody jumps up and down at the 'golden' opportunity life has sent him.

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**Two updates in one day it feels so…so… UNNATURAL!**

**I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing and if you didn't then we're not friends anymore…lol please review. Flames are accepted but nice things receive cookies.**


	3. ZOMG! mii bffl jus txt mi

**This one is going to be a little different first off it has two main characters (Noah and Sadie) and they're sharing an apartment during their freshman year a college. One last thing it's written in script form.**Noah walks into the living room holding a cell phone bill in his hand. He has a **VERY** angry expression on his face. Sadie is laying on the coach with a cell phone in her hand texting

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Noah (under his breath): I could have gotten a single dorm room on campus but noooo I needed real world experience.

Sadie: sup Noah bg (Hi Noah big grin_)_

Noah: Don't you abbreviate with me!

Sadie: question mark (what?)

Noah: 400 texts a day? Who could you be texting 400 times a day!

Sadie: idk mii bffl katie (I don't know my best female friend for life Katie)

Noah: And you can't go visit her! She and DJ's apartment is right across the hall!

Sadie: bm&y wen dj n katie r 2gthr dey r alwayz all uber each other itz strng at timz ya dig? (between me and you when DJ and Katie are together they are always all over each other. It's strange at times. Do you understand what I'm saying.)

Noah's left eye twitched a little bit. Sadie couldn't possibly be creeped out about DJ and Katie showing public displays of affecting after all the years her and Katie carried on.

Noah: Sadie we can't afford this cell phone. Do you have any idea what this is going to do to my credit?

Sadie: omg yru so serious live 4 2day not 2marow

Noah: duuewcpob (do you understand English we can't pay our bills)

Sadie: question mark (what?)

Noah: bmhatw (banging my head against the wall)

Sadie: : )

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**Sorry that Sadie was so OOC. I originally wrote her part for Izzy and then for Katie so that's the story behind that. Don't forget to R&R and if you have any suggestions, requests, or funny commercials (I guess this wasn't really a commercial) just pm me or press the little blue button and drop a review.**

**Love, peace, and hair grease **

**P.S I'm not so good with chat speech and got the lingo from an old website so bare with me.**


	4. Lindsey's Journey

**Hello everyone I decided to update again this one is probably going to the shortest out of all the short drabbles so blah blah blah on with the story.**

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**Normal POV**

Lindsey is seen wearing a crystal white prom gown and silver six inch heels climbing out of a ten story window.

**Lindsey's Phone's Phone POV**

Hi Lindsey's Phone here. Well not here out on there on the ledge of a TEN STORY BULIDING! You see Lindsey has AT&T but her IQ is just a few points too low to realize that her plan includes cell phone insurance. Which means that me, the six hundred dollar iphone, can be replaced for a phone of equal or lesser value but Catwoman over here is going to take her changes with gravity. As if a phone dropped form the 23rd floor to the 10th will work anyway.

**Normal POV **

"Got it!" Lindsey said happily

"Uh-Oh. I'm really high up. Tyler (A/N: because he's so athletic and an asset in situations like this) A little help please.

Tyler was in hotel room bathroom singing off-key to Wannabee by Spice Girls and dancing around in his underwear.

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**Behold another sucky installment of Total Drama Wireless. I do hope you enjoyed. **


	5. Noah's First Kiss

**Hello everyone it's the time for my daily update. This one was written in five minutes and takes place during The Big Sleep episode.**

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**Normal POV**

Noah was lying on the ground cuddled up next to Cody. He started to kiss on his ear in his sleep. Beth quickly took notice of this and tried to warn Noah before the camera crew pick up on it.

**Noah's Phone POV **

Hi Noah's phone here. Noah doesn't have AT&T so that means he has no bars in the forest on Total Drama Island. So Beth you can call and text all you want trying to save us from being embarrassed but Mr. Too Busy Sitting, Lying, and Occasionally Leaning to read his cell phone contract won't be getting any of them. But hey it's not a big deal it's not like this will be on international TV or anything. Oh wait yes it will be.

**Normal POV**

The two boys wake up and start screaming. Todd (the cameraman) couldn't help smiling.

_I got a big raise coming up after this one._

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**I had a lot of fun messing with Noah again. Once again sorry for the OCness. Expect an update later today. One last thing I hate to advertise on my own story but when your done reviewing go check A Moment of Truth plz. Thanks**

**-Love, Peace, and Hair Gease **


	6. For Everything Else There's MasterCard

**This is the last update of the day and I'm too tired to write any crazy AN only thing you need to know is this is a parody of those MasterCard commercials.**

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Years of expensive beauty treatments and cosmetic surgeries, only the best for your princess: Twenty thousand two hundred and three dollars on MasterCard

A 64" flat panel HD TV, to watch your princess crush those that dare stand in her way of victory: Five thousand dollars on MasterCard

The look on your face and pure joy in the hearts on millions when you watched your bratty daughter have her head shaven on international TV: Priceless

There are some things money can't but for everything else there's karma, Rina's Wig Shop, and MasterCard

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**I know this one had nothing to do with cell phones but I felt that writing about only cell phones would make the joke grow too old too soon. You read now review. Still taking request btw **


	7. The New Steakhouse from Burger King

**Hello everyone this is a special chapter dedicated to all those who read. Thanks.**

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Ahura and Noah were sitting by Ahura's computer enjoying some Burger King when Izzy walks in.

"Is that the new steakhouse from Burger King?"

"Yes it is."

"What did you do to deserve that?"

"I just reached eight hundred and eighty eight hits on my Total Drama Wireless story." (thanks everyone!)

"Sweet. And you Noah?"

"It look good and I wanted one."

Izzy smacked Noah right between the eyes with her Happy Sap container.

" 'IT LOOK GOOD AND I WANT ONE!' You rude arrogant little punk!"

"Ow"

"Wooow. Hey that rhymes. I should be a poet!"

"Just end the story already."

"Fine. The new steakhouse from so special people might thing you think your special."

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**I know not my best work (all of them are crappy in my opinion but people insist that they are good). Please R&R. I mean it. I have over 800 hits and 16 reviews WTF? lol j/k**


	8. Harold vs Napoleon Dynamite

**I couldn't resist writing this one. This is a parody of the Mac vs. PC commercials **

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Harold: Hi I'm Harold.

Napoleon Dynamite: And I'm Napoleon Dynamite

Harold: You should watch Total Drama Island because of all the original characters and unique plots.

Napoleon Dynamite: What are you talking about your show is a rip-off of Survivor. GOSH!

Harold: It is not if you actually watched it you will see the shows share similar qualities but they're still very different.

Napoleon Dynamite: Psft. Yea if you mean that Total Drama Island is too lazy to come up with it's own original stereotypes.

Harold: What could possibly mean by that?

Napoleon Dynamite: Your a complete rip-off of me. GOSH! IDIOTS!

Harold: Ha. Your just jealous that LaShawda is way hotter than Deb and I have rad beat boxing skills.

Napoleon Dynamite: Whatever. It's not like you would know what to do her anyway.

Harold: That's not what she sa-

Courtney: Ok just stop right there. No one wants you to finish that sentence.

Duncan: I kinda did.

Courtney: You are such a prev.

Duncan: I've been called worse.

Ahura: I got to get to therapy

All: Who said that?

Ahura(poorly disguised voice): No one it was not Ahura again. Damn it.

Courtney: Do you have any idea how lame it is to write yourself into your own stories?

Ahura: I know

Napoleon Dynamite: Psft yea.

Ahura: One to talk

LaShawda: 500 more hits R&R everyone

Ahura: Hey that's my line

LaShawda: Did I make you write it.

Ahura: ...

LaShawda: Didn't think so

Ahura: 0.o

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	9. KoolAid OH YEEEAAAA

**Ugh! Oh my God count your blessings that you are not me right now. Tomorrow I have to start training for school (it's a business highschool wtf I wanted to be an astronaut) and my mama is on her day off and the forecast says there is a zero chance of her shutting the hell up so this might be my last update for until Friday.**

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Trent was going though Heather's makeup bag trying to find the conditioner that he had been 'borrowing' for the past few weeks. He had finally found it and headed off for the shower. Gwen saw him in the window.

**Trent's Phone's POV **

Hi Trent's phone here. Trent doesn't have AT&T so I think we all know what that means. That's right no bars here at camp. So Gwen you can called all you want to warn me about the prank you pull on Heather putting red Kool-Aid powder in her conditioner to turn her hair pink, haha classic by the way, but Mr. Metrosexual over here won't be receiving the message. Oh well it's not like Kool-Aid powder doesn't wash right out after what was it now oh yea TWO WEEKS! Nice one Trent.

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**True story. April fool's Day of '05 let's just say there were some very unhappy campers in my house. **


	10. Annoy Your Stars

**Hey y'all I just got back from my first day of training(more fun than I thought it would be but man am I tired) and we was learning how to answer phones correctly (apparently in the corporate going "Ay gurl what up" is frowned upon and somehow I got this really great and 'original' idea for a new chapter. So without further pointless rambling here's the story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing.**

**This chapter is dedicated to the America people. 2.14k hits you guys rock. U-S-A! U-S-A! **

**EDITED: 9/28/08 I used here instead of hear**

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Courtney walked into a dark room with one small chair.

Courtney: This is weird I thought I was schedule to an interview but no one is here.

Voice: Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars.

Courtney: Who said that?

Voice: Courtney Johnson

Courtney: Yes. What do you want?

Voice: Steals scabs from her fat uncle's back.

Courtney: No I don't why would I do that?

Voice: I don't know your the on that does it.

Courtney: Shut up you idiot!

Voice: Sorry. Touchy much?

Courtney: Can we just get on with the interview?

Voice: Courtney Johnson

Courtney: Yes it's been established that I'm Courtney

Voice: Has the world's largest collection of used jock straps under her bed.

Courtney: What the fuck! No I don't that is insane!

Voice: So your admitting insanity now?

Courtney: No I'm-

Voice: So your not admitting insanity. Darn shame.

Courtney: I'm not insane

Voice: So your love for Duncan has driven you to deny your insanity

Courtney: I DON'T LOVE DUNCAN!

Voice: Granted but I didn't hear you disclaim your insanity or how your love for Duncan has drove you crazy

Courtney: My love for Duncan has not made me crazy!

Voice: AH-HA! So you admit to loving him.

Courtney: No I didn't say-

Voice: Too late it's been established. Courtney loves Duncan. Courtney loves Duncan. Nana a booboo. Courtney and Duncan sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love then comes marriage then come the baby in the baby carriage. That's not all that's not all than comes the baby and the alcohol girl.

Courtney: The alcohol girl?

Voice: We used to sing it back in preschool but that's beside the point Duncan lover.

Courtney: That's it I'm out of here.

Voice: YOU CAN'T HIDE WHAT'S INSIDE! Hehe Duncan lover.

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**Well I all hope your happy I gave up my naptime to write this. You better comment or a ten foot purple dragon will eat your children. Lol j/k but seriously comment people the fill my heart with joy. **


	11. For Everything Else Part 2

**10 more reviews and to think all I had to do was threaten you with the a 10 foot Purple Dragon lol. Well I've had a long ass day man. Get this those bastards made us walk all over downtown Cleveland on a scavenge hunt looking for so damn building and we had to wear business attire (i.e. not walking shoes walking for two hours.) I still had like tons of fun and well I know this one isn't as funny as the chap before but it's all I got so please read.**

Small business loan to your mom so she can finally open that really cute restaurant downtown that's doing great by the way: 35,000 dollars on MasterCard

First year's tuition for the art school of your dreams: 14,000 dollars on MasterCard.

Ignoring the paradox that you can lose a reality show in one country and win in another during the same season: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy for everything else there's spoilers on the internet and MasterCard.

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**Ok so not funny at all but that's all I got. **

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	12. Oaaa

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Hello everyone sorry for the no show update yester I just came home and fell straight asleep (yes I am very lazy) but blah blah blah here's the story.

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**Normal POV**

Gwen was sitting in the cabin watching Heather put on her make-u and Izzy (for once) quietly listen to her ipod. After awhile Heather and Izzy left to go get breakfast and Gwen was left alone in the cabin. She saw that Izzy had left her ipod on her bed. Not being able to help herself she pick it up and started looking for the one song she knew Izzy had to have: Caramelldansen. Assuming she was she started to sing loudly and did the caramelldansen

"S rr p era ftterOa-a-aOch vicka era hfterO-la-la-laGr som viTill denna melodi"

**Chris's Pone's POV**

Hi Chris's phone here. Luckily Chris has AT&T. Which means this video of Gwen doing the Caramelldansen (among other videos taking here at the girls cabin) will come out in crystal clear quality. So Gwen keep on dancing this will be an AWESOME shot for the reunion show. Oh and don't worry I'm sure no will laugh for too long.

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**Not my best but I hope you had fun reading. Expect an update in about an hour or so.**


	13. LEAVE NOAH ALONE!

**This idea just popped into my head out of nowhere. Probably only funny to me but I'll write it anyway.**

**Heads up: If you don't know the 'leave Brittany Spears alone' guy (yes it is a guy) you should probably go watch the vid before you read the story.**

**Other heads up: This takes place after the forth saddest thing on the island: Noah leaves**

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Noah walked in the front door. His mom look up from coach when she saw him.

"Won the show? Nice going son."

"Tee-Hee. I always wondered where I got my sarcasm from."

"Hey watch your mouth smartass I'm still your mother"

"And your doing a great job."

"Hehehe. Why don't go to room I'm sure your cyber nerds and creepy overweight fangirls are waiting for you."

Noah rolled his eyes and went up to his room. He threw his bag on the floor and went straight to his computer. When he checked his email he saw that he had a thousand unread messages. All of the subject lines said things like 'Holy Crap Dude You' Gotta Check This Out" and 'Um Noah Maybe You See This'

"Must me the new viral video outbreak."

He clip on the one of the emails and it was a link to youtube.

"Whoop-da-fucking-do"

The title of the was called Leave Noah Alone. And Chris Crocker was wearing a Noah style wig.

"How dare you act like you know Noah. The kid is a fucking genius with an IQ of like 160 and voted him off. He told you sports wasn't his forte and you couldn't accept that. You wanted more and more from him but he just couldn't give it. LEAVE NOAH ALONE! My God you gophers are just soo mean. Why did you have to do it? There was plenty of other people you won't even need and you pick the best teammate. WHY?! Why Noah? Is it because people like him better. There was no real reason. Jealousy Gophers it's an ugly thing."

Noah just sat there speechless. He was so embarrassed and just wanted a to crawl into a hole and die. He was so shocked he didn't notice his mother was standing right behind him the whole time.

"So I guess this means your shaving your head and marrying a backup dancer?"

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**Believe it or not I'm actually a huge Noah fan. Isn't he just the greatest most amazing- *ahem* Review**


	14. Should Had Order Chinese

**Hi everyone it's been awhile since I did one theses. **

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**Normal POV**

Chris had just finished going over the rules of the cooking trust challenge. Lindsey's sister Paula was watching at home.

"Oh crap she's going to kill him"

She quickly took out her cell phone and started to call Trent.

**Trent's Phone's POV **

Hi Trent's phone here only Trent doesn't have AT&T. So that means he doesn't have not one bar in this dining hall. So Paula thanks for trying but looks like Mr. Dumbass People Die All The Fucking Time From Ill Prepared Food here won't be getting the message about Lindsey failing biology every year since the 5th grade. But hey nothing too bad happened I mean I was only paralyzed for a day, got the most painful shot of my life, and mouth to mouth from Chef Hatchet. I'm sure one day me I'll look back and laugh on all this. In therapy. Years from now.

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**In case you haven't guessed already I'm very lazy. I'm working a new story so it might be awhile before I can update this story (no longer than two days I promise).**


	15. A Moment Like This

**Disclaimer : I own not a gotdamn thing**

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Ryan Seacrest: In honor of American Idol's ninth season we decided to celebrate by bringing back season one's winner Kelly Clarkson!

Crowd: applauses

Ryan Seacrest: And special guest Lindsey Keith from Total Drama Island

Crowd: ...

Kelly Clarkson: What if I told you It was all meant to be

Lindsey: Hey lady I have a boyfriend now-

Kelly Clarkson: No Lindsey it's a part of the song. Remember?

Lindsey: Oh yeah sorry keep going

Kelly Clarkson: Would you believe me,

Would you agree It's almost that feelin'

That we've met before

So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy

When I tell you love has come and now...

A moment like this

Some people wait a lifetime,

Lindsey: Hold on. If they're waiting a lifetime than won't they be dead when it comes?

Kelly Clarkson: Lindsey it's just an expression. From the song I'm SINGING?

Lindsey: Oh yea. Sorry. It soooo won't happen again.

Kelly Clarkson: Good. Can I continue.

Lindsey: Oh course

Kelly Clarkson: For a moment like this

Some people search forever,

For that one special kiss

Lindsey: Forever for a kiss. I kissed Tyler after knowing him for like three days.

Kelly Clarkson: Yes we get it your easy but I'm trying to MUTHERFUCKING SING HERE!

Lindsey: gasp I can't believe you just said that. I thought we were friends. Your just lying backstabbing little bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Kelly Clarkson: THATS IT! I QUIT! This show sucks anyway I haven't watched it since I was on it anyway. *Kicks Ryan Seacrest in a place the sun ain't going to shine and walks away. You can still hear her ranting as she walks away*

Kelly Clarkson: Damn they couldn't get Fantasia. Jordan Sparks too busy? We all know Ruben Studdard fatass ain't doing nothing. And where the hell Taylor Hicks at? And David Cook? I ain't heard shit from him.

Ryan Seacrest: Um alrighty then so I guess the show is over then. Say Chris wasn't there a kid on your show that actually sung?

Chris: Yeah but I thought it would be funnier this way. I was right.

Ryan Seacrest: Hmm ratings are ratings. Seacrest out American. And Owen I don't mean that 'out.'

Well you wanted laughs so here it is. However if you don't laugh than ain't much I can tell you


	16. Annoy The Know Yor Stars Guy

**Hello my TDI Wireless readers. Sorry for the 'fashionably late'. You see what had happen was ok so I don't have an excuse I just got lazy but I am back so if you wanna here a freshman babble about nothing than your out of luck. However you wanna read a Know Your Stars parody than you might just wanna start doing the happy dance. :)**

**Disclaimer: I own Total Drama Island and I will not disclaim a damn thing. Go head Teletoon sue I like to see you try! (not really I'm just trippin. Please don't take my stuff)**

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Izzy walked into a dark room with one chair. Much like the one Courtney described in her video blog when she was going on and on about how she wasn't into Duncan and how the interview was a trap. Izzy sat down in the chair and waited.

Voice: Know Your Stars

Izzy: Oh I love this show. I can't believe I'm on it. But then again I was on Total Drama Island and my therapist said I would never make it n that show because of my indiscretions. That what he calls them but my dad says I'm just one crazy ass mutha-

Voice: Um. I understand you get the reference but it's kind of funnier if you act confuse.

Izzy: Oh ok I see

Voice: Good. Moving on. Know Your Stars. Know Your Stars. Know Your Stars

Voice: Izzy Daniels

Izzy: HERE!

Voice: Izzy.

Izzy: I said here teacher.

Voice: This isn't roll call and I'm not a teacher.

Izzy: Oh yea I'm sorry it's just at school the teacher always does roll call and when I don't answer he gets really mad. Like this one time I didn't hear him because I was listening to my iPod and he marked me absent and I have never been absent from school ever not even the time they put me in this room with soft pillow walls when I was six after I burned down the fire station so anyways me and a few of my friends tricked him into thinking we sent him back a day in time with a time machine. It wasn't real but he did get to go to same white pillow wall place they sent me.

Voice: Well I think we're just about done here nothing I can say can top that level of insanity.

Izzy: All come on our not even trying you could say something like Izzy collects scabs from her uncle's fat back

Voice: You do that don't you?

Izzy: Izzy has no comment

Voice: Yea like I stated before I quit. I can do better than this. I was a CIT you know.

Izzy: Courtney?

Voice: Huh? What? Oh my God look at time gotta go!

Izzy: Did not see that one coming.

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**Everyone who saw that coming please raise your hand and smack yourself cuz you a damn lie. But other than that I hope you enjoyed this update and don't worry there will be plenty of more Know Your Stars drabbles. So with that being said don't forget to review I still got the 10 foot purple dragon monster and I'm not afraid to use him. **


	17. Twix

_**Sorry again for the late update. I have been having less and less time this week. I start classes next week and my work-study job but I will try to update this story at least one every three days.**_

_**Last thing this drabble takes place during the sucky outdoors episode when Geoff and Bridgette where putting up the tent. This is a Twix commercial parody btw. **_

_**XoXo**_

Geoff: Wow you pitch a tent like a guy!

Bridgette:...

Geoff: I mean your not all girly about getting dirty and stuff

Bridgette: Wow. Thanks Geoff

Random Twix Guy Voice: Need a moment?

Geoff pulled a Twix bar out of his pocket and took a bit.

Geoff: What I meant is you don't worry about staying pretty and dainty like the other girls.

Bridgette:...

Random Twix Guy Voice: That's worse you idiot.


	18. Know Your Geoff

**Hello everyone. Wow I really suck for taking so damn long to update don't I. I written plenty put have like no time to use my computer during school time (DAMN MY EDUCATION!) but anyhow on with the drabble.**

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Geoff walked into an empty room and sat down on the chair.

Geoff: Dude?

Voice: Know your stars

Know your stars

Geoff: Huh?

Voice: Know your stars

Geoff: Okaaay

Voice: Geoff Fray

Geoff: Yea man?

Voice: Likes to try on his girlfriend's shoes and makeup

Geoff: HEY! No I don't! tucks lipgloss deeper into pocket

Voice: Surrre.

Geoff: I don't dude and what's going on anyway

Voice: Nothing just having a little fun. You like fun don't you Geoff?

Geoff: Yea!

Voice: Geoff Fray

Geoff: Dude?

Voice: Does the Hula with Taula from Honolulu, Hawaii.

Geoff: I do what with who from where?

Voice: The Hula with Taula from Honolulu, Hawaii

Geoff: Oh. Is Taula hot?

Voice: Not really

Geoff: Than why would I hula with her

Voice: I don't know your the one hulaing with her. Own up to responsibilities.

Geoff: Well I guess your right I mean after all...Hey wait I don't know a Taula! And Bride's feet are like five sizes too small for me. Just what the hell kind of a show is this!

Voice: Now You know Geoff Fray

Geoff: No they don't! I never hulaed with Taula and I don't wear make-up! HELLO! Dude this isn't funny! HELLO! Dude that's not an interview at all. Not cool man.

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**If Geoff a little OCC I apologize this was kind of rushed. I hope you all enjoyed and like Geoff because he's all I feel like writing about lately. **


	19. The Final Challege

**Hello my adoring fans. As the very awesome, original and extremely modest writer I decided to deliver yet another chapter of TDW to the unwashed masses that I call my readers.**

**LOL. I'm tripping but could you imagine if I was really like that? I'd have to kick my own ass.**

**Btw this is an AU (aren't all of them?) fic. All you need to know is Noah and LeShawna made it to the final two**

**Last thing this story coming to an end. Yes I know it saddens me too but don't worry Imma still write comedy for this section and there's going to be a super huge over the top going away chapter (chapter 20) so watch out for that. Love y'all**

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Chris: Okay campers somehow Noah and LeShawna made it to the final two and instead of a series of cruel and unusual challenges the producers and I thought it be more legal to settle you differences though a old fashioned debate.

LeShawna: Cool. What are we debating?

Chris: That's up two. So anytime your ready.

Noah: So what do you want to argue about?

LeShawna: I really don't know.

Noah: WELL DAMNIT DON'T YOU KNOW! THINK OF SOMETHING!

LeShawna: Why don't I think of something? Your just as capable me you think of something?!

Noah: Your trying to win this aren't you? Think of something! You the worst debater ever!

LeShawna: I'm the worst? No bitch your the worst and like you said your trying to win 100,000 so you should try and think of interesting things to say

Noah: No, YOU should think of interesting things to say because you're the one who seriously needs the money!

LeShawna: Well if you don't like that I have nothing to argue about than why are HERE! You can just as easily quit!

Noah: Oh I know you did not just go there!

LeShawna: Oh sweetheart I live there. Moved there two years ago and own a VERY successful cafe on Main Street!

Noah: Oh hell no! Now I'm gonna have to talk about yo momma!

LeShawna: Bring IT!

Noah: Your mothers intelligence is of such a substandard level she was hit by a parked automobile!

LeShawna: Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Noah: Your mother has lived on this earth so many years that she viewed _Passion of Christ_, LIVE!

LeShawna: Yo mama's so ugly, she could only be Yo mama. OH TAKE THAT!

Noah: Your mother is so unintelligent she thought that joke was clever!

LeShawna: OH NO YOU DIDN'T

Noah: Why yes, yes I did.

Chris: Well I think we have a winner here. Everyone Noah has won Total Drama Island

Everyone: apathetic

Random Audience Member(to Harold): I can't believe you let him talk about yo woman like that. I woulda whoop his ass/

Harold: Yea your right gets up to fight Noah

Same Audience Member: Ohhh uber nerd fight I got fifty on the fake Napoleon Dynamite. Who wanna take that bet?

Duncan: I'm getting in on this

THE END

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**You know the drill review people.**


	20. Didn't Your Mother Teach You To Knock?

**A/N: The author is exhausted from her blah blah blah**

**Last A/N: This idea was submitted by one of my awesome reviewers Nerd with a keyboard. You rock dude.**

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Normal POV

Duncan climbed into the window of what he thought was Chris's master kitchen. It was dark so he couldn't see what he was doing or where he was.

Duncan's Phone's POV

Hi Duncan's phone here. Only Duncan doesn't have AT&T so that means he doesn't have any bars on this island. So Princess call and text as much as you like about how that's not the Chris's master kitchen stocked with food but Chef's bathroom and he just went into the shower. Product of His Environment over here wouldn't be getting the message.

Normal POV

Chef walks out the shower, confused, and looks over to see Duncan. The two scream like it's going out of style.

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**Six chapters since I did a cell phone parody. I'm a frikken hypocrite. **


	21. That Was A Poor Choice of Words

**A/N: There will never be a good enough excuse for why I ditched for a month other at least I came back. I could had lefted forever. Would you had preferred that? HUH? HUH? Yea thought so. Yes I do play to much I know.**

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****Normal POV**

"Oh trust me Harold women love it when you take control."

"Really Heather?"

"Oh course. Would I say something to hurt you? There's LeShawna go and talk to her."

**Harold's Phone's POV**

Hi this is Harold's phone here. Dork-a-hontas over here doesn't have AT&T so he has no bars in this Camp. So Gwen thanks for the call about never trusting anything Heather says. Looks like I won't be getting it. Instead I'm going to risk my changes with LeShawna and quite my life.

**Normal POV**

"Come here LeShawna write down your number before I don't want it anymore."

"What?"

"You heard me girl! We're going out! NOW!"

"WHAT! WHAT DID YOU JUS' SAY TO ME! OH HEEEEELL NO! I KNOW YOU DID NOT! I'M 'BOUT TO GO OFF"

(whispering) "Maybe that was poor choice of words."

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**A/N: Wow you guys have no idea how hard that was to write with a straight face. I hope you lol'd. If you didn't look at it like this. I only wasted a few seconds of your life otherwise.**

**2nd A/N: Congrads to TotalDramaLover for being my 100th review. You won a short cameo in my story Didn't See That One Coming. I'll pm you with details**

**As always R&R **


	22. Seven Days

**A/N: Happy Halloween everyone. I have treats for my lovely readers. For my Canadians I bought you guys two (maybe tree) Halloween themed updates. For my years of age Americans a lecture on why you need to get off ya ass and vote (under 18 read too). Skip the next 2 A/Ns if you don't qualify.**

**A/N to America Shut Up and Listen: This is without a doubt the most important election EVER!If you haven't already please go out and vote. To avoid long lines at the polling place vote early. The board of elections office in my town already has people lined up for blocks waiting to vote and it's not even November yet. If you do vote on November 4th and your waiting in line and the polls close DO NOT Irepeat DO NOT LEAVE UNTIL YOUR VOTE IS COUNTED. If you registered to vote and arrived even 20 seconds before the polls closed YOU CAN STILL VOTE! Kids, teens, tweens write this down, copy & paste, email I don't care how you do it just get this message to your parents, teachers, grandparents, convicted felons, drunken frat boys etc. Please. Please I'm praying to you get off ya vote. For the love of God. Vote. Hell you can vote McCain if you really, seriously, honestly feel that way. Just vote for someone. This election is too damn important for you to say "One vote never changed anything." One vote never has but over 60% of this nation is voting. Imagine if the other 40% voted. Think about it. **

**A/N to Black People: For those of you that watched Chocolate News last Wednesday I believe the host said it best when he advised us to "stop doing stupid S***" And you better. We are less than 5 days away from a black guy in the Oval Office. I don't want to come home from work turn on the TV and see any entertainers, atlhetes, or dumb-ass n****s (yea I used the n-word) on the news that did some generally dumb-ass n**** s***. November 5th y'all can go back to dog fighting, armed robbery, and bleaching ya skin (it be nice if ya didn't) but until the FOX news smuge bastard on my TV says "The winner is Barack Obama" act like ya got some damn sense. **

**On the off chance anyone feels like laughing if anyone still feels like laughing onwards to the story**

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We see Geoff, DJ, Gwen and Bridgette sitting on a couch watching TV. The phone rings

Geoff: Hello Dude

Voice: Seven days

Geoff: Oh wait I know this one. That's a week.

Voice: Yes but have week until-

Geoff: The US election. It's between a midget and frogman this time right?

Voice: No you idiot it's McCain and Obama.

Geoff: Who?

Voice: The US ELECTION! BETWEEN JOHN MCCAIN AND BARACK OBAMA! IT'S FIVE DAYS AWAY!

Geoff: Wait I thought you said I had seven days.

Voice: Yes I said that you had seven days and then you said it was week then I said it was a week then you said it was the US election then I explained it to you.

Geoff: Dude?

Voice: Just put DJ on the phone.

Geoff: It's for you dude

DJ: Who is it?

Geoff: Some guy about a frogman and midget.

DJ: Um ok then. Hello.

Voice: Seven days.

DJ: What?

Voice: You will die in seven days.

DJ: WHAT!

Voice: SEVEN DAYS! SEVEN DAYS! SEVEN DAYS! Damn what's wrong with you people. I will come to house in seven days and kill you in some of the most horrible ways imaginable. Got it brickhouse?

DJ drop the phone and curled up on the floor sucking his thumb. Gwen quickly notice Geoff's was confusion and DJ'snervous breakdown and reluctantly picked up the phone

Bridgette: Hello. Who is this?

Voice: Seven days

Gwen: Crap

Bridgette: What's wrong

Gwen: Where in another Total Drama Wireless one-shot.

DJ: What?

Bridgette: Gwen what are you talking about?

Gwen: You know TDW. The really annoying fanfiction by someone girl name Ahura.

Geoff: Yea where she forces various TDI cast members to do parodies of cell phone ads, know your stars, and other well know comedic shorts

DJ: I've never been on this fanfiction

Bridgette: I don't think I have either. I remember Thank you for Smoking and Didn't See That One Coming

Ahura: I sho haven't used y'all yet. Welcome to the club

Geoff: Well

Ahura: Well what?

Gwen: Aren't you going to you know try to disguise your voice or claim it wasn't you on the phone

Ahura: Oh what cause I'm black you think I did it!

Gwen: Well you generally do.

Ahura: Well if y'all weren't so busy tearing down the forth wall you would had notice the caller ID said-

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**For those of you that didn't understand the reference of the the line showing up ending the story before we found out who the caller is, it's a shout out to the Sopranos. **


	23. And The Winner Is

**A/N: Well everyone another week has gone and passed and something VERY important happened. I got new Mocha Jolt flavored lipgloss...Lol no. The big news is BARACK OBAMA FRICKEN WON THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION! America give yourself a round of applause. Yes we can and Yes we did. Other countries your apart of this moment too. Universal health care, troops out of Iraq, a strong economy based on taxing the rich man, chope (change and hope). You guys with your voting and poll working made this dream a reality. I'm so proud to be an American right now.**

**A/N: This chapter is a bit of an AU. Geoff, Lindsey, and Geoff are in their 20's, work for FOX, and are covering the US elections.**

**Disclaimer: I own don't a damn thing**

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We see Geoff sitting at newscaster table waiting for the weather girl Lindsey to finish her report. Courtney, their boss, rubbed her temples with frustration as Lindsey got the weather completely wrong. It's was raining cats and dogs and Lindsey predicted sunshine. Courtney received a call from her producer.

Courtney: Hello

Producer Guy: The US /_cell phone breaks up_/ president /_cell phone breaks up_/ McCain /_cell phone breaks up_/ Obama /cell phone breaks up/ no... /_cell phone dies_/

Courtney tells Geoff to report on the 'breaking' news.

**Courtney's Cell Phone's POV**

Hi Courtney's cell phone here. Courtney doesn't have AT&T so she has so no bars in this news station. So producer guy call as much as you like about the States going crazy about there new president but the UIT (unemployed-in-training) won't be getting the message. But hey there's still two months left in 2008. With any luck some other high profile county will make break the 225 year color barrier inspiring hope and change in the hearts of millions. *sighs* I am so fired.

**Normal POV**

Geoff: This just in. United States Presidential candidate has just won the election with a total of 314 votes of the electoral college is John McCain

The producer guy is seen spitting out his coffee in an intern's face.

Producer Guy: COURTNEY!!!

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I'm not practically happy with this one :(


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